carnac the magnificent curses carnac the magnificent curses

Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. shorts. Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Shriver. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. grandfather. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas They've been kept in Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. promises. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Q: Where should you address all your mail? The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . #10. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . A: All the President's men. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? View all. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. A: Burn the candle at both ends. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . The answer: "Sis boom bah." Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. A: High rollers. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Johnny Carson Show. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. A: Sale of the Century. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? a #2 mayonnaise I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Here's how it played out on air. Explanation of WPA. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" It is entirely fictitious. . A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. Get Image Page 1 of 4 The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. A: Gatorade. A: A thousand clowns. Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump. A: Beethoven's Fifth. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? Carson 500's, The 1985. A: "Gung Ho!" Key'n'Stroke. . A: Sueeee, sueeee. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on? A: Pot luck. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? . Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? . The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? The answer was always an outrageous pun. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Show"? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Q: What do crabs get high on? , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Answer: They found no brain activity. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC Carnac The Magnificent undated. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. sister. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. Contents May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? . Q: Name two words that have no meaning. Youre the straight man. work? My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? A: Quarter Pounder. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . . A: The big ten. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? A: Blazing Saddles. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? A: Black feet. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. The character was introduced in 1964. Wheres the exit sign? The Answer: Become a professional politician. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Or are you just happy to see me? Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. Next. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your resuscitation with a sick lizard. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). A: Eleven. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. A: Madame Kitty. (the curse). Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Screenkey. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. the Denver Nuggets. questions having never prune juice? Question Man". Murine? Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. A: De-frost. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php It is original material for the most part. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Buddy Holly. A: Dustin Hoffman. A: Ultra-conservative. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. What is missing here is his delivery. us? Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Line: 479 The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? A: The CIA. A: Gunga din. contest. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. A: An unmarried woman. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around A: "The Front." A: At both ends. The Question: Name three famous puppets. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? Q: What do you call a military coup led by General his neck? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? bathroom? Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. Function: require_once. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal.