my husband is driving my daughter away my husband is driving my daughter away

Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? lets_be_honest Im dying for new people to follow! Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. Before reading Wendys answer you and your daughter sound awesome! Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. J said the shows and books listed are things mature, intelligent adults like. July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. I'M GETTING FED UP WITH MY FRIEND'S CRUSH. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. July 2, 2013, 4:47 pm. Cover your daughter and her husband with generous . Rather than the lover-partner-wife-prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot. Go to a murder mystery night and talk about Sherlock. But how are they supposed to co-parent and guide this young girl into being a productive young woman if the LW is only addressing her own behavior and attitudes? July 15, 2013, 3:10 pm. My dad would also try to do things we liked. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. I do understand how easily this Mom couldve gotten caught up in her ways of teaming up with the kid. Anything! Same with the radio in the car I like country or musicals, he cant stand it, theres no way Id put that on. I feel like Im in a relationship with two people, one who really loves me and his evil twin who emerges without warning or reason.. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? My partner teaches high school students and they went NUTS for Sherlock this past year. And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. And imagine the lesson you would have learned if your dad had rolled his eyes at your piano recital, etc. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. By not actively encouraging your daughter to spend time with her father, even if it means doing things she may not actively be interested in, you keep her from being the full person she could be. My husband s father always disparaged his interests when he was younger. For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). I didnt read an us vs. him vibe at all. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. there are people out there who dont know what This Old House is? Great suggestion! July 2, 2013, 2:59 pm. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. July 3, 2013, 3:16 am. June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. A game of Munchkin would be fun for all its geek references for you, and is playful enough that your husband might enjoy it. My father would have considered my sister and I uninformed if we held an opinion that he didnt share, even if we weighed both sides and did research on the issue. It is essential for a father to be involved in his daughters life and to show her love and attention. Just saying, theyre definitely still popular. Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). People who are closed-off in this way often become so as a result of a previous emotional trauma or traumas. I know from personal experience. Twin Flame & Soul Mate Guide, 22 Things You Should Know in Dating Latino Men: What To Expect, Dating Canadian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating Australian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating American Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 89 Take Them All Away . Great lesson to learn from your dad. TONS of teenagers are interested in Buffy, Firefly, and (new) Star Trek. Finally, try to create opportunities for one-on-one time between your husband and daughter. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. bittergaymark Talk about missing the point. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. All of these are better that watching the Kardashians find new ways to make money or reading magazines that criticize stars beach bodies. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. It is best to talk with a counselor or therapist if you believe there is serious dysfunction in your marriage. I see his point to some extent. This results in a reflexive coping mechanism that severely restricts their hopes and desires in life. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. So maybe Mom here does need to let go, and open the daughter up to a better relationship with Dad. Im not sure why people think it makes you a bad parent to tell your kid that you dont enjoy some of the same stuff they enjoy and that they can do that when you arent around. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. The opposite gender relationship in a family (IMO) kinda shapes future relationships your daughter may have with boyfriends. Man, thinking about those early teenage years still strikes a nerve. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. A father-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships a girl can have. Seeing him cultivate her interests and introduce her to things I never would have has been a blessing. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. Only one parent here is enforcing assignments on their child. If he doesnt mind, that would probably be a good show of support to begin with. Which is exactly why she wrote in. doesnt mean that the Dad is 100% correct in ramming his opinions down his daughters throat. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. You will learn from all of them. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. But talking about that kind of shit non-stop is just BORING. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. And every once in a while, he needs to do something he doesnt like because SHE wants to do it, and he loves her. Older and (hopefully) wiser I feel like the mother may be inadvertently teaching the daughter that its OK to make it all about yourself. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. Mommy and daddy present a united front. Ive definitely think Ive learned more from my daughter than shes learned from me. Dont let anyone else control your decisions. Um, no. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. He may feel like he's being left out or that he isn't good enough for his daughter. I notice my 14-year-old daughter and her 17-year-old brother, enemies of old, enjoying a detente in the TV room over Xbox and popcorn. Copyright 2023 The Relationship Notes.Privacy Policy . Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. Again, no. I agree, but the father didnt ask for advice, the mom did and we all know you can only control your own actions, so because of that, I think the advice given was spot on. Asking her to read a National Geographic article is hardly onerous. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. My dream is to just have a commune where all my family lives together , honeybeenicki Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. ). Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. And he lived 10 minutes away from us. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. Hed come out and hit the ball or play catch or Horse. My free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! If your H has strong BPD traits, his child-like behavior is easy to explain because his emotional development likely is frozen at about age four. Grow up, already. FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. A good game will bring out the competitiveness in everyone. temperance Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. In my case, Im sure there would have been something else to criticize if I was a different kid. I think my dad was guilty of that sometimes and he really regrets it. Well-intentioned, devoted partners of crazy-making people can become obsessed with trying to find the magic potion that will make their partners happy and appreciative of their efforts. They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone. Is there a middle ground? First, remember that it is normal for there to be some conflict between a parent and child. painted_lady He also occasionally went to movies with us. If the father wants his daughter to respect his interests, then he needs to be the adult and show her how adults should behave and respect hers. I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. I think hes going a little too far if hes making disparaging comments about her personality, but I absolutely hate baseball, and if I married a guy who loved it and we had a son who was obsessed, I know that Id be rolling my eyes at them. painted_lady Lastly, the article idea isnt a bad one, but hes going about it all wrong. Its so easy to kill that spark in a child, well done to the mum for supporting her daughter in doing what she loves! Maybe not, though. And disparaging his daughters interests is the absolute wrong way to go about that. I agree with Wendy here. The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. Its great to have an involved parent, but its also good to take a step back and take time for yourself and your marriage. If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. Dont you think that much of parenting is ramming things down their throat. painted_lady Talk about making a little go a very long way. (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) painted_lady I am a huge fan of Pandemic its a co-op game, so you play against the disease and work as a team. These 8 tips are from my experience and may point out things you probably don't know are pushing your husband away and destroying your marriage. July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm. If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. lets_be_honest Its interesting how the commenters with nice, loving parents saw this one way, and those of us with our experience saw it as something much darker.