why am i obsessed with my ex years later

You werent ready to end the relationship. You bump into your ex at the grocery store, and they can't stop asking about you. However, there is a significant cost to staying mad and continuing to hate your ex forever. But because it's so difficult to quantify, Wakin isn't sure if it willever be classified as a disorder. 3. So, if it gets to the point where they dont have control or feel like they have control. If you are going through a break up you may find yourself obsessed with your ex. You cant imagine that youll ever get over these losses. Remind yourself how you felt when you were part of this relationship. After all, righteous anger feels better than depression. ATTRACT BACK YOUR EX. And sometimes, they can even speak directly to our fears and anxieties. Required fields are marked *. No matter what your situation is or how badly youve messed up since the two of you broke up hell give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately. "If your new boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex, spending time on the phone with her, meeting up with her without including you, comparing you in a way that makes you feel less than. The parallels between your ex and relationship issues now don't even need to be romantic. But that doesnt mean it is specifically them who we want to see again. You keep telling yourself your ex loves you and must miss you even when the reality is that your ex isnt showing any interest in you. I got an email here from Jerry who wants to know why. The reasons in this article will give you a good idea of why you dreamt about your ex. You let them know (mistakenly or not) there you might reconsider going back into the relationship again; 4. If you felt safe and secure with your ex, you want to go back to experience that one more time. At the root of this is probably a childhood . Afteryou breakupwith anex, your brain still needs to fulfill thecraving that it felt in the beginning of your relationship when you were falling in love. they want space but they keep reaching out! This person was likely abusive and controlling in the relationship, using violence as a way to keep a partner in line or regain control and feel powerful. I have not contacted her. We split up 10 years ago. You are embarrassed, ashamed, and feel like a failure. Even if your relationship was toxic, you still have feelings for your former partner. Sometimes when we think about someone from our past, its because in some way we are missing those similar intimate feelings in our life. Depending on the person, a low self-esteem, being cheated on in the past, witnessing parents' divorce, following a religion, can all play a part. I have a vivid imagination and have transported myself to the "feel good" portion of that relationship. You have also lost money, property and time with your children. Within a period of 2 weeks Ive received 8 texts that went from nice and friendly to angry and mean to begging me to respond. One . Of course, its not the reality of the situation. 5 Why do I still constantly think about my ex? Your chest feels physical pain. The reason is ultimately as unique as you are, and so you will need to do a bit of detective work and tune into which explanations make most sense. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you dont cry, feel sad, or shout, youll end up going back to the source of pain. If things have felt unsteady recently, perhaps you crave the days when everything was more stable in your life. 2. You believe that divorce is morally bad, bad for your kids, and just plain wrong. Physically you hurt. Another client, Tammy, was worried about losing her boyfriend because she thought was going to get back with his ex-wife when she realized how much he . Remember the old 1960s anti-war bumper sticker, What if they threw a war and nobody came? It truly is a choice to stay angry. You think about only the good parts of the relationship; ignoring why the relationship didnt work. ~ If social media is a source for being obsessive over your ex then start by muting, blocking, or deleting your ex. Just let them be. What are the circumstances? //, by I mentioned earlier how the help of a gifted advisor can reveal the truth about why youre dreaming about your ex. Being delusional after the breakup is normal. Give out your number but are unsure if you'll say yes later. Until it isnt what they expected. Last year, my ex-boyfriend died. The reason why your dream is about your ex is because you are subconsciously comparing your current situation to things that you also felt with them. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. This will help you to balance the situation and embrace reality at some point. They feel separation anxiety. One of my ex's threatened to kill himself on the regular. In fact, you wish you never had to see your ex again, but unfortunately, with the kids, you do have to see him or her, but you do your best to minimize contact. Suicide threats. In limerent relationships,though, the need for the other person only becomes stronger with time, even whena breakup happens. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 9. Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. But routine can make us seek some diversity, which then manifests through our dream world. You may find yourself isolated with your hate and anger. You put so much into the relationship, feel somehow cheated and want your ex to pay in some way. You may have low self-esteem and see yourself as inferior to your husband's ex in terms of attractiveness or success. Why am I still obsessed with my ex years later? Even if you arent close now, in your mind he/she still represents those loving feelings you felt at the time. If you are not aware of attachment styles, I have included a link below that describes an anxious attachment style. If you know that you do think of this person anyway during your waking house (even if its only from time to time), this will make it more likely for you to think of them when you go to sleep too. A woman told me her ex-husband put anti-fungal cream on her toothbrush. When you get asked out by the cutie next to you while waiting in line for your iced vanilla latte, you: Are stoked and text him or her right away. Attachment Anxiety How to Stop Overanalyzing Relationships, Why An Anxious Preoccupied Ex Cant Stop Loving You (Let You Go). A couple of weeks ago I received a text from her but I didnt respond. Even if your ex continues to hate you forever, you will feel better emotionally and physically if you can let it go. Now, think if redeeming and reconciling are elements that you should consider at this moment. You made yourself believe only your ex can make you feel like no other romantically. The time spent trying to get over someone can be dangerous, indeed, but I found erasing any and all traces of this guy from my life (both over social media and IRL) wasthe most effective way to gradually quell my thoughts of him.